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| كاتب الموضوع | رسالة |
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nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل: 3657
العمر: 34
تاريخ التسجيل: 30/07/2008
 |  موضوع: English Language  الثلاثاء 12 مايو 2009, 7:24 pm | |
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English Language 
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. [url=http://let's+face+it+-+english+is+a+crazy+language./] [/url]
In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?
Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?
Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?
In what other language do thay call the third hand on the clock the second hand?
Why is it called a TV set when you get only one?
Why - in our crazy language - can your nose run and your feet smell?
Sometimes you have to believe that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane:
If olive oil is made of olives, what do they make baby oil from?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian consume?
A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings.
But fingers don't fing and grocers don't groce.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?
If the teacher taught, why isn't it also true that the preacher praught?
If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why are shameless and shameful behavior the same?
English is a language in which you can turn a light on and you can turn a light off and you can turn a light out, but you can't turn a light in;
In which the sun comes up and goes down, but prices go up and come down.
In which your nose can simultaneously burn up and burn down and your car can slow up and slow down, in which you can fill in a form by filling out a form and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.
English is a crazy language. What is it that when the sun or the moon or the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible?; and why when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I shall end it?
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|   | | nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل: 3657
العمر: 34
تاريخ التسجيل: 30/07/2008
| | موضوع: lawyer story. الخميس 18 يونيو 2009, 6:46 pm | |
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Lawyer story
THIS IS THE BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY.
A Charlotte, NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued... And WON!
(Stay with me.)
In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer "held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."
NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
*******
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| | | | nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل: 3657
العمر: 34
تاريخ التسجيل: 30/07/2008
| | موضوع: Honesty الأربعاء 24 يونيو 2009, 10:55 am | |
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| | | | nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل: 3657
العمر: 34
تاريخ التسجيل: 30/07/2008
| | موضوع: A beautiful love story الأربعاء 24 يونيو 2009, 10:59 am | |
| A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it, God had put all the human "qualities" in a separate room. Since all the qualities were bored they decided to play hide & seek. "Madness" was one of the qualities and he shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek "Madness", all the other qualities agreed. So "Madness" leaned against a tree and started to count: One, two, three..." As "Madness" counted, the qualities went hiding. "Treason" hid in a pile of garbage.. "Lie " said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake. And Madness continued to count "... Seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..." By this time, all the qualities were already hidden-except "Love ". For stupid as "Love " is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide "Love". "Madness": "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when "Madness" got to one hundred..... ...."Love" jumped into a rose bush where he hid. And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!" As Madness turned around, "Laziness" was the first to be found, because "Laziness" was too lazy to hide. "Madness" searched madly and found "Lie" at the bottom of the lake. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love, "Envy" whispered to "Madness ": "You only need to find Love, and Love is hiding in the rose bush." "Madness" Jumped on the rose bush and he heard loud cry. The thorns in the bush had pierced "Loves" eyes. Hearing the commotion God came into the room and saw what had happened. He got very angry and cursed "Madness" and said since "Love" has become blind because of u... ..u shall always be with him" And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.! ****** |
| | | | nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل: 3657
العمر: 34
تاريخ التسجيل: 30/07/2008
| | موضوع: If the Titanic was made in India الأربعاء 01 يوليو 2009, 6:31 pm | |
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| | | | nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل: 3657
العمر: 34
تاريخ التسجيل: 30/07/2008
| | موضوع: Little girl with Grandpa الأربعاء 15 يوليو 2009, 12:02 pm | |
| Little girl with Grandpa
A grandfather and granddaughter were sitting and talking when the young girl asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, He did," the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind.
At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said,
"God's doing a lot better job lately."
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| | | | nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل: 3657
العمر: 34
تاريخ التسجيل: 30/07/2008
| | موضوع: The Cart Horse & The Donkey الثلاثاء 21 يوليو 2009, 8:39 pm | |
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The Cart Horse & The Donkey
Once upon a time there were two cart-horses. They worked together for many years, pulling the cart of a peasant. Over the years, they often argued with each other, complaining that the other was not keeping to its side, or was going just a little too quickly or just a little too slow.
One day, one of the two horses suddenly died.
The remaining horse was very upset about this.
It realized that in all the time that they had worked together, it had not once told the other horse how much it valued its company and its faithful help in pulling the cart. Now the chance was gone forever.
The horse also reflected on all the squabbles they had had. It suddenly understood that it need not have taken offence as easily as it had done, that it need not have borne as many grudges, that it could have been less arrogant, in short, it realized that it had wasted all the energy that had been available for friendship and kindness on unworthy and unnecessary thoughts and emotions.
The horse was ashamed and resolved to lead a different life in future. Whoever its new partner was going to be, things were going to be different.
But time passed, and the horse forgot. One day, it caught itself in exactly the same kind of behavior that it had sworn never to engage in again.
The horse could not understand why it had returned to its old ways.
That evening, in the stable, the horse decided to seek out the peasant's donkey, which had a reputation for wisdom among the animals.
The donkey listened to the horse's story. Eventually, it replied. "It is good that you have noticed what has happened. If you truly want to change, this is possible; but it will, for a long time, cost you your peace of mind. Are you prepared to accept this?"
The horse replied that it definitely did not want to return to its old ways. Anything was better than that.
So the donkey continued, "There is one very simple, and at the same time very hard thing that you have to do. Remember every day that one day, perhaps today, perhaps many years from now, you will die.
Remember every day that the horse next to you will die.
Remember every day that every other creature you will see, will one day die.
Remember that all animals alive today are part of a wave, which will soon break and be lost on the beach forever, to be followed by a new wave, and another, and another.
No wave is permanent. The only thing that is permanent is the ocean."
There were tears in the horse's eyes.
The donkey continued, "Only if you remember death will you become strong-willed and alert enough not to postpone love. This is my advice to you, and in following it, perhaps one day you may come to know that which is deathless."
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| | | | nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل: 3657
العمر: 34
تاريخ التسجيل: 30/07/2008
| | موضوع: 21st Century.... الجمعة 07 أغسطس 2009, 6:39 pm | |
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| | | | nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل: 3657
العمر: 34
تاريخ التسجيل: 30/07/2008
| | موضوع: English Language الإثنين 10 أغسطس 2009, 10:45 am | |
| English Language
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?
Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?
Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?
In what other language do thay call the third hand on the clock the second hand?
Why is it called a TV set when you get only one?
Why - in our crazy language - can your nose run and your feet smell?
Sometimes you have to believe that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane:
If olive oil is made of olives, what do they make baby oil from?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian consume?
A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings.
But fingers don't fing and grocers don't groce.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?
If the teacher taught, why isn't it also true that the preacher praught?
If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why are shameless and shameful behavior the same?
English is a language in which you can turn a light on and you can turn a light off and you can turn a light out, but you can't turn a light in;
In which the sun comes up and goes down, but prices go up and come down.
In which your nose can simultaneously burn up and burn down and your car can slow up and slow down, in which you can fill in a form by filling out a form and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.
English is a crazy language. What is it that when the sun or the moon or the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible?; and why when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I shall end it?
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| | | | nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل: 3657
العمر: 34
تاريخ التسجيل: 30/07/2008
| | موضوع: sunday school الثلاثاء 11 أغسطس 2009, 7:04 pm | |
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sunday school
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.
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| | | | nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل: 3657
العمر: 34
تاريخ التسجيل: 30/07/2008
| | موضوع: Dog Logic الأربعاء 19 أغسطس 2009, 1:18 pm | |
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| | | | nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل: 3657
العمر: 34
تاريخ التسجيل: 30/07/2008
| | موضوع: Missing Wife الجمعة 04 سبتمبر 2009, 2:52 pm | |
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| | | | nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل: 3657
العمر: 34
تاريخ التسجيل: 30/07/2008
| | موضوع: You Know you are having a bad day when... الخميس 10 سبتمبر 2009, 12:18 am | |
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| | | | nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل: 3657
العمر: 34
تاريخ التسجيل: 30/07/2008
| | موضوع: Cold water الإثنين 14 سبتمبر 2009, 11:11 pm | |
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| | | | nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل: 3657
العمر: 34
تاريخ التسجيل: 30/07/2008
| | موضوع: Hospital Window ( story الخميس 17 سبتمبر 2009, 11:51 am | |
|  Hospital Window ( story
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.
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