jamal suliman lovers
مرحبا بالسادة الزوار يسرنا إنضمامكم لمنتدى النجم العربى الكبير جمال سليمان



 
الرئيسيةcoolpageدخولموقع محبى جمال سليمانالتسجيلاليوميةمكتبة الصورس .و .جبحـثالأعضاءالمجموعات

شاطر | 
 

 قصص و فكاهة بالانجليزية.

استعرض الموضوع السابق استعرض الموضوع التالي اذهب الى الأسفل 
انتقل الى الصفحة : 1, 2, 3 ... 12 ... 24  الصفحة التالية
كاتب الموضوعرسالة
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: قصص و فكاهة بالانجليزية.   الأربعاء 30 يوليو 2008, 8:27 am

قصص و فكاههههههههههههههههههههههات

jok = نكتة.




Very Happy



A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.


"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one !", the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear.


"The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with DSL, BPS, light-speed processing .... And..."


...pausing to take another drink of beer.... The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young, so we invented them. Now, you - arrogant little shit - what are you doing for the next generation?"




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

__,_._,___


عدل سابقا من قبل nermeen ahmed kamal في الأربعاء 30 يوليو 2008, 10:02 pm عدل 1 مرات
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Women are always Clever   الأربعاء 30 يوليو 2008, 8:54 am

:
Humors = 'طرفة فكهة...................الخ من المعانى flower

Women are always Clever



Women have always Clever answer Smile

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."



Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you...to leave."

Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"



************





















.
__,_._,___ [/size]
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
Rehab-Admin
Admin
Admin
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 7063
الموقع : مديرة المنتدى
تاريخ التسجيل : 02/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: شكر وترحيب   الخميس 31 يوليو 2008, 12:21 pm

عزيزتى نرمين مرحبا بك معنا فى موقعنا ضمن اسرة محبى النجم جمال سليمان
أشكرك على موضوعاتك الجميلة ومجهودك الرائع .
شرفتينا

الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو http://www.facebook.com/pages/Jamal-Soliman/171487522861992
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Meaning of WIFE (18+)   الخميس 31 يوليو 2008, 11:26 pm








daily joke



Meaning of WIFE (18+)


Three friends, one Bengali, one Punjabi and one Tamil were travelling in train. After discussing many more things - one of the friends asked, " Now please let us discuss - What is the meaning of WIFE ?"


First turn to tell the meaning of wife was Bengali. The Bengali started," Wife is like a book. Read it, read it; when you fed up keep aside it."


Next turn was of Tamilian. The Tamilian started, "Wife is like a rose. Smell it, smell it; when you fed up. Through it".


Third and last turn was of Punjabi, "Wife is like a casette. Listen it, listen it; when you fed up, reverse it".




----------------------------------------------------------------
.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Questions...   الخميس 31 يوليو 2008, 11:30 pm












Very Happy flower .



So next time when u go for an inteview be prepared for this question....

Story I
E: Do u have a boyfriend?
C: I have.
E: Is he working Locally?
C: No. He is working Overseas.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u!
C: Why?
E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don't want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of u.

Story II
E: Any girl friends?
C: No.
E: So far chased any before?
C: Have, but not successful.
E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a girlfriend?
C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider This personal issue.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.
C: Why?
E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!

Story III
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Not quite.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you.
C: Why? Will this affect your company's reputation?
E: No, it does not affect the company's reputation but because My company is dealing with arts, our company requested an artist.

Story IV
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: Yes.
E: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.

Story V
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: No. Have a few already.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are a "grasshoper" ! (Job hoper lah!)

Story VI
E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich?
C: No.
E: Then sorry, my company cannot employ you because our Company is dealing with money and you will seduce.

Story VII
E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich ?
C: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.
E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't Even want to employ you, neither do we!
C: But,...... there is no position in his company.
E: Then,..... what is your qualification?
C: Secretary!
E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Will affect our managers' working spirits.
C: But,...... I am not pretty at all.
E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested In you!!



**********
.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: a joke   الخميس 31 يوليو 2008, 11:53 pm












American accent
flower



An Indian lady (NRI) returned from the US to India and is window shopping in Delhi.

Suddenly she realizes she is late for an appointment. She is not wearing a watch so she sees a small shop on the roadside and asks in a very American accent of the sardar owner "What's the time?"


The sardar is a very patriotic man and hates desis / Indians with a foreign accent. He replies back in the same accent, "Bra-panties."


Confused the lady asks again, "No! No! What's the time?"

The sardar again answers back, in the same accent, "Bra-panties."


Seeing the confusion between the two, another sardar comes to the rescue of the lady and says, "O papaji, tusi samajh nahin paaye"" Kudi twade kol puuch rahii haigayee!!"


The angry sardar shouts back at him, "Tow main bhi to oonoo time hee Bata rahan hai– barah panthis (12.35) !!!"




------------------------------------------------------------------------------
.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: The problems of "HE" and "SHE"..   الخميس 31 يوليو 2008, 11:58 pm












flower


Love Humor? .




The problems with "HE" as thought by "SHE"



If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.

If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from VILLAGE.

If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN ;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS .

If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.

If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him! , he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)

If u don't MAKE LOVE with him., he says u DON'T LOVE him;
If u DO!! He says u are CHEAP.

If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u DON'T, he says that u don't TRUST him.

If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.

If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.

If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.

If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAIN.

If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!



************

.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Girls vs. Grown Women   الجمعة 01 أغسطس 2008, 3:14 am









love humor


Girls vs. Grown Women flower .



Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits

**********
Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

**********
Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.

**********
Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-using it as a time for personal growth.

**********
Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.

**********
Girls make you come home.
Grown women make you want to come home.

**********
Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

**********
Girls try to monopolize all their man's time ( I.e., don't want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends!

**********
Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

**********
Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Grown women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his 'manhood'.

**********
Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that was just one man.


**********
Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back-and move on, without bitterness.

**********
Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other Grown women and their male friends".



************
.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Super Computer   الجمعة 01 أغسطس 2008, 3:32 am






funny jokes


flower

Super Computer

The Super Computer stood at the end of the Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.

"This", he said, "is the Super Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".

At which a Clever Guest stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Computer's microphone.

"Where is my father?" he asked.

There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out.

On it were printed the words: Fishing off Goa.

Clever Guest laughed.

"Actually", he said, "My father is dead"!

It had been a tricky question! The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?

Clever Guest thought, went to the Computer and this time said, "Where is my mother's husband?"

Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights. And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words, "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Goa."




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Why I am Glad to be a Girl   الجمعة 01 أغسطس 2008, 3:36 am




Love more Humor?






Why I am Glad to be a Girl ! flower


* We got off the Titanic first.

* There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

* We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

* We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

* We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

* Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

* Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

* Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... ( You got the point? ).

* We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

* We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay!

* We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

* We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.



************
.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: New Recruitment   الجمعة 01 أغسطس 2008, 3:50 am







funny jok flower


New Recruitment




Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.

5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.

2000 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.

2000 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.

500 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave.

498 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says 'Kem Chho'

The other candidate answers 'Ek Dam Majama'




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: 15 Pieces Of Advice For Woman   الجمعة 01 أغسطس 2008, 4:42 am







Love Humor


flower
15 Pieces Of Advice For Woman

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.

**********
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

**********
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

**********
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

**********
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

**********
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

**********
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

**********
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

**********
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

**********
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

**********
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

**********
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

**********
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.

**********
14. Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

**********
15. Sadly, all men are created euqual
.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Casual Day   الجمعة 01 أغسطس 2008, 4:47 am







flower Casual Day


Casual Day - Office Humor


A Company decides to adopt Fridays as Casual Day and they issued a Memo to all department intimating the same.

Week 1

Memo 1: Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3

Memo 2: Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day.

Week 6

Memo 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude.

Week 8

Memo 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9

Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14

Memo 6: The Casual Day Task Force has distributed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee.

Week 18

Memo 7: Company is providing psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.

Week 20

Memo 8: We are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day is discontinued



.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: HOW OLD AM I?   الجمعة 01 أغسطس 2008, 5:05 am





daaily joke



HOW OLD AM I flower


A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don`t try to fool me because I can tell the difference."


The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says, "Bartender, this crap is 5-year scotch. I told you I want 12-year scotch."


The bartender tries once more with 8-year scotch. The man takes a sip, grimaces and says, "Bartender, I don`t want 8-year scotch like this filth. Give me 12-year scotch!"


Impressed, the bartender gets the 12-year scotch, the man takes a sip and sighs, "Ah, now that`s the real thing."


A disgusting, grimy, stinking drunk has been watching all this with great interest. He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and says, "Hey, I think that`s really far out what you can do. Try this one."


The man takes a sip and immediately spits out the liquid and cries, "Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!"


The drunk`s eyes light up and he says, "Yeah, now how old am I?"




------------------------------------------------------------------------------
.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Some humorus sign ads   الجمعة 01 أغسطس 2008, 5:09 am






flower



Some humorus sign ads
Love more Humor


Advertisement In A Long Island Shop: Guitar, for sale....... cheap....... ....no strings attached.

Ad.. In Hospital Waiting Room: Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!

Seen on a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.





When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...I Gave Up Reading.

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses... He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.

Sign In A Bar: "Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance."

Sign In Driving School: If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.

Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.

The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.

Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.

Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You sleep Alone.

The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit: We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.

A Traffic Slogan: Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be.

Sign In A Restaurant: All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window: Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Grandmother !


********
.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: رد: قصص و فكاهة بالانجليزية.   الجمعة 01 أغسطس 2008, 10:05 pm










Very Happy




Umbrella Thief flower


A man gave all of his seven umbrellas for repair at one time and told the shopkeeper he would pick it up in the evening while back from work.

On the way to work in Bus, out of habit he grabbed the umbrella of the woman sitting next to him, got up and started walking.

The woman started yelled, "Umbrella thief, Umbrella thief."


The embarrassed guy returned the umbrella and apologized, before getting abused and beaten up by other woman loving passengers.

In the evening he picked up all his umbrellas repaired, put them under his arms and started walking towards home. Unfortunately the morning lady returning from work bumped into him.

The lady commented, "Seems, you had a profitable day at work today."




------------------------------------------------------------------------------
.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Thought about men   الجمعة 01 أغسطس 2008, 10:17 pm











flower


Thought about men

Very Happy

Thought 1

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
*******

Thought 2

The average man's life consists of :
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
*******

Thought 3

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
*******

Thought 4

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.

They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand.

Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.

So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life."

Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."

The whole audience including priest started laughing.... ...... but not the poor groom!



************

.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Mirror Desire   الجمعة 01 أغسطس 2008, 10:25 pm











sms Very Happy


Mirror Desire

flower



Lalu spoke in love, "Why don't you and I go to some place where there is nobody."
Pyari flirted, "You won't make any mischief with me there, would you?"

Lalu assured in fright, "Not at all"
Pyari angered, "Then why the hell you want to go to there?"


............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .....





Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice :

99% Sound and 1% Advice….


............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .....





A student In a interview:

How does an electric motor run?
Student:dhuurrrr

Interviewer shouts: stop it.
Student: dhurr dhp dp dup dup.


............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .....





Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime.

Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.

Wives r like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .....






.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Why English Is So Difficult   الجمعة 01 أغسطس 2008, 10:35 pm





Very Happy




Why English Is So Difficult

flower





We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;

but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;

yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,

and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,

yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

but though we say mother we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Anonymous







***********
.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: The Dreams   الجمعة 01 أغسطس 2008, 10:57 pm



study Sleep

nice story




The Dreams


The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that that lit up her entire being.

She said, "Hi, handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.

She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, have a couple of children, and then retire and travel."

"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and share a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began: "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only few secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. "You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dean and don't even know it!"

"There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change."

"Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing The Rose. She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the years end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Remember : GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY, GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.



&&&&&&&&
.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Chak de India!!   الجمعة 01 أغسطس 2008, 11:12 pm










Chak de India!!
Laughing


There was a good old barber in Hyderabad. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:

I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a Community Service.

Florist is happy and leaves the shop.


The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.


A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there ......

Scroll down for answer...... ......... ....

...


...


...



...



...



...



...



...



...



...



...



...



...




A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... With Printouts of the Forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut!




~~~~~~~~


.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Two Angels   الجمعة 01 أغسطس 2008, 11:21 pm










study Sleep

nice a story


Two Angels


Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family.

The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a space in the cold basement.

As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied... "Things aren't always what they seem".

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife.

After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel "how could you have let this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused. "The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let their cow die."

"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall.

Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave her the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."

*********

Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later.





&&&&&&
.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: why men wear ear rings??   السبت 02 أغسطس 2008, 5:50 am








Very Happy

why men wear ear rings??




I have often wondered how this trend got started, I now have the answer.


A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."


The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring, "he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"


"Ever since my wife found it in my car."



~~
.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Cute Joke   السبت 02 أغسطس 2008, 6:00 am





Very Happy




Cute Joke



Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together.

They made a decision, one day to make it "yesterday once more".

They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young.



The next day, Grandpa got up 6 a.m. in the morning, dashed to the bank, picked up a big bunch of wild flowers before sunrise, waited there for his sweetheart to come. But grandpa ended in disappointment grandma never showed up even after sunset.


Grandpa went home in such anger. He opened the door, seeing grandma lying on the sofa with her pillow. He threw the flowers on the floor and questioned: "Why didn't you come to our date?"


Grandma hid her head in the pillow and replied shyly: "Mom didn't allow me to go..."



~~~~~~~~



__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Black & White   السبت 02 أغسطس 2008, 6:04 am







story

study Sleep

Black & White


In life, a lesson learned in your past that you will never forget completely.When I was in elementary school, I got into a major argument with a boy in my class. I have forgotten what the argument was about, but I have never forgotten the lesson learned that day.

I was convinced that "I" was right and "he" was wrong - and he was just as convinced that "I" was wrong and "he" was right.

The teacher decided to teach us a very important lesson. She brought us up to the front of the class and placed him on one side of her desk and me on the other. In the middle of her desk was a large, round object. I could clearly see that it was black. She asked the boy what color the object was. "White," he answered.

I couldn't believe he said the object was white, when it was obviously black! Another argument started between my classmate and me, this time about the color of the object.

The teacher told me to go stand where the boy was standing and told him to come stand where I had been. We changed places, and now she asked me what the color of the object was. I had to answer, "White." It was an object with two differently colored sides, and from his viewpoint it was white. Only from my side was it black.

My teacher taught me a very important lesson learned that day: You must stand in the other person's shoes and look at the situation through their eyes in order to truly understand their perspective .



&&&&&&&
.
__,_._,___
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
 
قصص و فكاهة بالانجليزية.
استعرض الموضوع السابق استعرض الموضوع التالي الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة 
صفحة 1 من اصل 24انتقل الى الصفحة : 1, 2, 3 ... 12 ... 24  الصفحة التالية

صلاحيات هذا المنتدى:لاتستطيع الرد على المواضيع في هذا المنتدى
jamal suliman lovers :: jamal suliman lovers :: موضوعات عامة للأعضاء-
انتقل الى: