jamal suliman lovers
مرحبا بالسادة الزوار يسرنا إنضمامكم لمنتدى النجم العربى الكبير جمال سليمان



 
الرئيسيةcoolpageدخولموقع محبى جمال سليمانالتسجيلاليوميةمكتبة الصورس .و .جبحـثالأعضاءالمجموعات

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 قصص و فكاهة بالانجليزية.

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عدد الرسائل : 4069
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مُساهمةموضوع: Strategy   الأربعاء 13 أغسطس 2008, 7:12 am

Ahmed and Hamid are both beggars at several motorway services in England.
Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
Ahmed drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend .

Hamid only brings in 2 to 3 pounds a day. Hamid asks Ahmed how he manages to bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day.


Ahmed says, "Look at your sign. It says, "I have no work, a wife and six kids to support."

Britons who see that do not feel as if they have accomplished anything by giving you money. You will still have no job and a large family. Now look at my sign."


So Hamid looks up and Ahmed's sign reads: "I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan "




الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
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عدد الرسائل : 4069
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تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: the starfish   الأربعاء 13 أغسطس 2008, 7:16 am

[b] study Sleep Once upon a time there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?"

The young man paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean." "I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?" "The sun is up, and the tide is going out, and if I don't throw them in they'll die." "But, young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach, and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"

The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said, "It made a difference for that one."

There is something very special in each and every one of us. We have all been gifted with the ability to make a difference, and if we can become aware of that gift, we gain through the strength of our visions the power to shape the future.

We must each find our starfish. And if we throw our stars wisely and well, the world will be blessed.







&&&&&&&&
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
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عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: do you no how i am   الأربعاء 13 أغسطس 2008, 7:19 am

[b]Thief with knife: tera paisa nikaal! geek
Man:do you know who i am? I am a politician.
Thief: accha ? To phir mera paisa nikaal....!


............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........





Ek yug tha jab log ghar ke dwar par likhte the ATITHI DEVO BHAVA
Phir likha SHUB LAABH
Fir likha UR WELCOME
Aur ab
KUTTE SE SAAWDHAN.


............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........





Jab tum angdayi leti ho tho mera dum nikal jata hai
Jab tum angdayi leti ho tho mera dum nikal jata hai
Arey thoda deodrant lagane main tera kya jata hai:)


............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........





Woh hamari gali me aaye...
Woh hamari gali me aaye...
Woh hamari gali me aaye...

Aur chillake bole.....

Paper Raddi wala !!!!!

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
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عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: 10 Most Romantic Tips   الخميس 14 أغسطس 2008, 8:06 am

[b]
Cool


1. Spread rose petals all over the bedroom.


*********

2. What could be more classic than a fine gold locket with your photo inside? (Maybe a photo of the two of you.)


*********

3. Bring home one small, unexpected gift each week.


*********


4. Write a classic, romantic, passionate, handwritten, heartfelt love letter. Most adults haven't written a love letter since high school. (Why not? Have we lost our youthful idealism, or have we just gotten lazy?)


*********

5. When traveling, give your partner a bouquet of roses; one rose for each day that you'll be away. Attach a note that says something like this: "These three roses represent the three days I'll be away from you. They also symbolize the love, joy, and laughter we share together."


*********

6.Say "I love you" at least one times a day.


*********

7. Guys: Surprise her by performing one of her chores for her. (And not something easy like carrying the groceries in from the car, but something that requires some time and effort -- like cooking all the meals over a weekend, or cleaning the entire house.)


*********

8. Ladies: Send him a letter sealed with a kiss. (Use your reddest lipstick.)


*********

9. Hold hands.


*********

10. On your yearly romantic checklist, make plans for Valentine's Day -- well in advance!
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
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عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: The Husband Store   الخميس 14 أغسطس 2008, 8:11 am

[b]A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Razz


Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!


There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.



There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!





So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .


On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.


*********

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.


*********

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.


"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


*********

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"


*********

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:


*********

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!


*********

Send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth!


*********
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
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عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: ROSE IN UR LIFE   الخميس 14 أغسطس 2008, 8:14 am

IF YOU DESIRE TO BLOSSOM LIKE A ROSE IN THE GARDEN,

FIRST LEARN THE ART OF ADJUSTING WITH THORNS

Smile

............ ......... ......... ......... ....





Walking through life

Contrary to popular belief,

The great men are not born great.

God uses trials and turmoil to make them great!


............ ......... ......... ......... ....







PRAYER is not a spare wheel, that you pull out when you are in trouble. USE it as a steering WHEEL, that keep you on RIGHT path through out the life.


............ ......... ......... ......... ....







LIFE IS NO WHERE - can be read as - LIFE IS NOW HERE.



............ ......... ......... ......... ....


الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
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نجم الجماهير
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عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: The problems of "HE" and "SHE"..   الخميس 14 أغسطس 2008, 8:17 am

The problems with "HE" as thought by "SHE"

king queen



If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.


If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from VILLAGE.


If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN ;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS .


If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.


If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him! , he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)


If u don't MAKE LOVE with him., he says u DON'T LOVE him;
If u DO!! He says u are CHEAP.


If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u DON'T, he says that u don't TRUST him.


If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.


If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.


If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.


If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAIN.


If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!


*********
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nahlola
عضو
عضو


عدد الرسائل : 68
العمر : 35
تاريخ التسجيل : 12/08/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: رد: قصص و فكاهة بالانجليزية.   الجمعة 15 أغسطس 2008, 8:21 am

its very nice you are so funny and sweet thanks alot
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
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عدد الرسائل : 4069
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تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTION   الجمعة 15 أغسطس 2008, 8:46 am

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.


geek

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"




So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"








The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."




Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.




Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."







And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"







To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."







**********

الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
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عدد الرسائل : 4069
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تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Cheat and love   الجمعة 15 أغسطس 2008, 8:48 am

[b]Cheat and love But dont love and cheat...

Think and love But dont love and think..

Break the heart and love But dont love and then break the Heart.....
sunny

............ ......... ......... ......... ......





Losing the person u love hurts.
Some people say u will get over it easily

But its really tough especially
When the one u loved was the ONLY one u EVER loved.


............ ......... ......... ......... ......





Sapno ki tarha aakar chali gayi
Apno ko bhula kar chali gayi

Kis bhool ki saja di
Usne pahele hasaya pir rula kar chali gayi


............ ......... ......... ......... ......





Yun to kehte hai log bewfa humein par humse ki bewfai aapne,
Din raat apse milne ke liye tadpte rahe badle mein di judaai aapne,

Zindgi bhar na bujha payenge hum dil mein jo aag lagayi aapne,
Kabhi muj se mille they tum dost banker kya khub dosti nibhai aapne.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
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عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Old carpenter   الجمعة 15 أغسطس 2008, 8:58 am

[b]An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer- contractor of his plans to leave the house- building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.
study Sleep
The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.

When the carpenter finished his work the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front-door key to the carpenter.

This is your house, he said, my gift to you.

The carpenter was shocked! What a shame!

If he had only known he was building his own, he would have done it all so differently.

We do the most of the things having such thoughts in our mind. But we only realize when it comes back to us.

So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building. Then with a shock we realize we have to live in the house that we have built. If we could do it over, we'd do it much differently. But we cannot go back.

You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Life is a do-it-yourself project, someone has said. Your attitudes and the choices you make today, build the house you live in tomorrow. Build wisely!
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nahlola
عضو
عضو


عدد الرسائل : 68
العمر : 35
تاريخ التسجيل : 12/08/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: رد: قصص و فكاهة بالانجليزية.   الجمعة 15 أغسطس 2008, 9:11 pm

thanks alot
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
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عدد الرسائل : 4069
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تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: 100 (Cool Things About Being A Guy (1)   السبت 16 أغسطس 2008, 7:22 am

[b]. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
sunny
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.

3. You know stuff about tanks.

4. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

5. Monday Night Football.

6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.

7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

8. You can open all of your own jars.

9. Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.

10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.

11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.

12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

13. All your orgasms are real.

14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.

15. Guy in hockey masks don't attack you ... unless you're playing hockey.

16. You don't have to lug a bag full of stuff around everywhere you go.

17. You understand why the movie "Stripes" is funny.

18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

19. Your last name stays put.

20. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.

21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.

22. You can kill your own food.

23. The garage is all yours.

24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

25. You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment."

26. Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.

27. You never have to clean a toilet.

28. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.

29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.

30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

32. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

33. The National College Cheerleading Championship

34. None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.

35. You don't have to shave below your neck.

36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.

37. If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.

38. You can write your name in the snow.

39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.

40. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.

41. Chocolate is just another snack.

42. You can be president.

43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

44. Flowers fix everything.

45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.

47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

48. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.

49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
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عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: 100 Cool Things About Being A Guy   السبت 16 أغسطس 2008, 7:26 am

51. Foreplay is optional. sunny flower

52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.

53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.

54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.

56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

58. You don't give a rat's butt if anyone notices your new haircut.

59. You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."

60. The world is your urinal.

61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.

62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.

63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

64. One mood, all the time.

65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

66. You never have to drive on to another gas station because "this one's just too gross."

67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

68. You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.

69. Same work...more pay!

70. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.

72. Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.

73. You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back.

74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.

75. You don't mooch off of other's desserts.

76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

77. The remote control is yours and yours alone.

78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

79. ESPN's SportsCenter.

80. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.

82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.

83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.

84. You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom.

85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.

86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it."

88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.

89. Princess Di's death was just another obituary.

90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.

92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.

93. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.

94. New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet.

95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.

96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.

97. Not liking a person won't stop you from having great sex with them.

98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"

99. Baywatch

100. There's always a game on somewhere
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
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عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Bridge of love   السبت 16 أغسطس 2008, 7:32 am

[b]Once upon a time two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. Sleep study

It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing machinery, and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch.Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence.

One morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox. "I'm looking for a few days work" he said."Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?

"Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor, in fact, it's my younger brother.Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us.

Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll go him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn?I want you to build me a fence - - an 8-foot fence -- so I won't need to see his place or his face anymore."

The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you."

The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day measuring, sawing, nailing, and hammering.

About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all.

It was a bridge -- a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work handrails and all -- and the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming across, his hand outstretched."You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done."

The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in the middle, taking each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder.

"No, wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you," said the older brother.

"I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but, I have many more love bridges to build."



&&&&&&&&
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
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عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Flash news   السبت 16 أغسطس 2008, 7:34 am

[b]
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab .

Local Sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more…


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I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me.
U cry, I cry.
U laugh.. I laugh.
U jump out of d window..
I look down n then.. I laugh again.. Hahaha



............ ......... ......... ......... .......





Groucho: So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children?
Mrs. Smith: Yes, thirteen.

Groucho: Thirteen! Good lord, isn't that a burden?

Mrs. Smith: Well, I love my husband.
Groucho: Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.


............ ......... ......... ......... .......





A Toilet is like a committee meeting.

People come with lot of pressure, sit, create a lot of noise, and ultimately DROP THE MATTER.

............ ......... ......... ......... .......




geek
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Female Software Programming !   الإثنين 18 أغسطس 2008, 8:09 am

[b]Female Software Programming ( Computer Humor )
geek

Struct female_professional s
{double styles;
Short skirts;
Long time_to_understand_ problems;float mind;
Void knowledge;
Char non_co-operative; }


Struct married_females
{double weight;
Short tempered;
Long gossip;
Float hopes;
Void word;
Char unstable;}




Struct engaged_females
{double time_on_phone;
Short attention_on_ work;
Long boast;
Float on_cloud_nine;
Void understanding;
Char edgy;}


Struct newly_married_ females
{double dinner_invitation;
Short time_at_work;
Long lunch_break;
Void bank_balance;
Char hen_pecked;}


Struct husband_wife_ professionals
{double income;
Short tempered;
Long time_no_see_ each_other;
Void love_life;
Char money_making; }


Struct beautiful_city_ girl
{double boyfriends;
Short affairs;
Long stories;
Void greymatter;
Char flirt;}


Struct old_lady
{double chin;
Short memory;
Long sighs ;
Void attention_from_ men;
Char chatterbox;}
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: The Begger's Rags   الإثنين 18 أغسطس 2008, 8:14 am

[b]A beggar lived near the king's palace. One day he saw a proclamation posted outside the palace gate. The king was giving a great dinner. Anyone dressed in royal garments was invited to the party.

The beggar went on his way. He looked at the rags he was wearing and sighed. Surely only kings and their families wore royal robes, he thought. Slowly an idea crept into his mind. The audacity of it made him tremble. Would he dare?


He made his way back to the palace. He approached the guard at the gate. "Please, sire, I would like to speak to the king."

"Wait here," the guard replied. In a few minutes, he was back. "His majesty will see you," he said, and led the beggar in. Sleep study

"You wish to see me?" asked the king.

"Yes, your majesty. I want so much to attend the banquet, but I have no royal robes to wear. Please, sir, if I may be so bold, may I have one of your old garments so that I, too, may come to the banquet?"

The beggar shook so hard that he could not see the faint smile that was on the king's face. "You have been wise in coming to me," the king said. He called to his son, the young prince. "Take this man to your room and array him in some of your clothes."

The prince did as he was told and soon the beggar was standing before a mirror, clothed in garments that he had never dared hope for.

"You are now eligible to attend the king's banquet tomorrow night," said the prince. "But even more important, you will never need any other clothes. These garments will last forever."

The beggar dropped to his knees. "Oh, thank you," he cried. But as he started to leave, he looked back at his pile of dirty rags on the floor. He hesitated. What if the prince was wrong? What if he would need his old clothes again. Quickly he gathered them up.

The banquet was far greater than he had ever imagined, but he could not enjoy himself as he should. He had made a small bundle of his old rags and it kept falling off his lap. The food was passed quickly and the beggar missed some of the greatest delicacies.

Time proved that the prince was right. The clothes lasted forever. Still the poor beggar grew fonder and fonder of his old rags. As time passed people seemed to forget the royal robes he was wearing. They saw only the little bundle of filthy rags that he clung to wherever he went. They even spoke of him as the old man with the rags.One day as he lay dying, the king visited him.

The beggar saw the sad look on the king's face when he looked at the small bundle of rags by the bed.Suddenly the beggar remembered the prince's words and he realized that his bundle of rags had cost him a lifetime of true royalty. He wept bitterly at his folly. And the king wept with him.

******

When we put our faith in God, we must let go of the sin in our life, and our old ways of living.
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
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عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: رد: قصص و فكاهة بالانجليزية.   الإثنين 18 أغسطس 2008, 9:04 am

[b]When u feel God is rubbing u against rocks,
Don't think that he' ll ruin u down to dust...

Its just His way of polishing a GEM....
Stay precious,

kanish
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .





Never be sad for missing whatever you expected

But be happy since god made you to realize that

Those expectations are not worth in ur life.


............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .





Luck is not in your hands,
But work is in your hands.

Your work can make luck
But luck can't make ur work."
So always trust URSELF.....


............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .





Gr8 opportunities come to all,
Bt many dont knw they have met them.

The only preparation 2take advantage of them is...
To watch what each day brings.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: very offcial love letter   الإثنين 18 أغسطس 2008, 9:14 am

[b]To flower
Juliet
Grade 7.0 S.M

Sub: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.






Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.

However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,
Romeo (HR Manager)
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Give me your e-mail   الإثنين 18 أغسطس 2008, 9:16 am

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Some Company.
Sleep study
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are employed."

He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."

The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.

He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.

He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email".

The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Some Company!"



&&&&&&&&
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: A friend is not a spare tyre   الإثنين 18 أغسطس 2008, 9:19 am

[b]A friend is not a spare tyre that u pull out when u feel life has gone flat.

Friend is the steering wheel who helps u to turn ur life in the right path.

flower
............ ......... ......... ...







Gud relationship is like a tree.

It demands attention & care in d beginning.

But once it blossoms, it provides shade & protecting in all situations of Life


............ ......... ......... ...





I kept ur name in my Journal & posted u in the Ledger of my heart.

U'll b classified as an Asset, coz ur market value as a friend never Depriciate!


............ ......... ......... ...





The wrong kind of people dislike u for the gud in u & the right kind of people like u knowing even the bad in u...

That makes a gud Relationship!



............ ......... ......... ...
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Why INDIA is in trouble   الأربعاء 20 أغسطس 2008, 1:49 am

Why INDIA is in trouble ??? & Who will Bringout it from Trouble ??
lol!
Population: 100 crore
9 crore retired

30 crore in state Govt;
17 crore in central Govt.
(Both categories don't work)

1 crore IT professional (don't work for India )

25 crore in school

1 crore are under 5 years

15 crore unemployed

1.2 crore u can find anytime in hospitals

Statistics says u find 79,99,998 people anytime in jail

The Balance two are U & Me.

U are busy " checking Mails /sending fwds.. "..!!

HOW CAN I HANDLE INDIA alone?

SO I NEEDS SUPPORT OF ALL OF YOU TO BRING IT ON TOP...Smile


............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Wet Pants   الأربعاء 20 أغسطس 2008, 1:54 am

Come with me to a third grade classroom... ..
Sleep study
There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet.

He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it..

When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.

The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat."

He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered.

As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap.

The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself,

"Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"

Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out.

All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie.

She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. "You've done enough, you klutz! "

Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."

May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good.

Each and everyone one of us are going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can.

********

Keep the faith.

"When God Answers your Prayer He is increasing your Faith,

When He delays, He is increasing your Patience,

When He Don't Give U Anything, He has Something BETTER"


&&&&&&&&
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
nermeen ahmed kamal
نجم الجماهير
نجم الجماهير
avatar

عدد الرسائل : 4069
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: Egyptian mummy   الأربعاء 20 أغسطس 2008, 1:58 am

[b]2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

geek
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...





A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"

Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"


............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...





Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says,

"chal", it walks.

He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.

He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion.. ....

..... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"


............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...





Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post office...."

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
معاينة صفحة البيانات الشخصي للعضو
 
قصص و فكاهة بالانجليزية.
استعرض الموضوع السابق استعرض الموضوع التالي الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة 
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